To the Christian who can’t affirm same-sex marriage

A short survey of my view of Christianity, the bible, and gay marriage

Michael Lamb
3 min readOct 14, 2021


Photo by Sandy Millar on Unsplash

I get it. I understand the worldview which holds the bible to be an ultimate authority, believes the bible to be infallible, and uses the bible to make sense of the world. People who willingly submit themselves to this authority, however, tend to hold to the tradition that a biblical marriage (or a holy marriage) is only available between a man and a woman.

In American Christianity, marriage is often silently but firmly upheld as the goal of a single person’s life. If you aren’t married and having children then what are you actually doing for God’s kingdom?

A greater emphasis on marriage in the church seems to have sparked after the US began to allow same-sex unions. Evangelical leaders of America started to preach with fire and gusto against homosexuality as an evil, abominable practice.

An authorial disclosure: I am not a Christian (not for lack of wanting) because I am still wrestling with reconciling a sexuality I cannot change (I am gay) to a God who others preach will send me to hell for my desire to have a husband and raise a family.

In my life, the bible is not authoritative nor infallible, though it sometimes helps me make sense of myself and the world. Ancient wisdom is still wise in seeking virtue. I read the bible and can see how it is concluded that through it God condemns homosexual behavior, however I am not convinced that it condemns homosexual partnerships or marriage.

For compassionate Christians who hold to the view that all same-sex behavior is sinful, to be gay and Christian is to be a eunuch; there can be an acknowledgement of same-sex desire but the behavior stemming from the desire is considered sinful, so to be faithful to God a gay person must not act on same-sex desires. Some gay people I have known since high school have lived out their faith in singleness seeking contentment, so I’m not trying to knock this out of their hands.

But for me I cannot stop there.

I don’t hold that marriage is the end-all-be-all of the Christian life. Why? Because of Paul.



Michael Lamb

software engineer | culture nerd | reader


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