The homosexual and the evangelical Christian
My experience with non-affirming evangelical sexuality discourse
I’d like to set down some of my thoughts on homosexuality and the place where I find myself in light of non-affirming Christian thought and theology.
I was raised to be Christian. I embraced church and Christian identity as a social outlet in addition to seeking true spiritual experiences. It was through me that the church was connected to my family. I managed to convince everyone to attend and participate. At a certain point this was successful and my parents were volunteering to drive a church van to ferry people to services. This didn’t last long for my family for various reasons, but I continued to be a regular church member through high school even after the family had to stay home for my mentally disabled brother. This church connection was ultimately how I ended up at bible college where I remained a closeted homosexual.
I was not raised to be a homosexual. In fact, when it became apparent to my mother and father that I might have such inclination, they sought help from a conversion therapist. His central claim was that I could stop being a homosexual — a claim I reject today but accepted at the time as an appeasement to my parents. “Don’t worry about me, I’ll be straight. I’m straight now.” This seemed to settle the issue for the most part as it wasn’t a question they raised again until I came out on social media in 2021, though I’m sure my parents lived with some sense of dread that it wasn’t actually true before then; at least my mother has come around and apologized for taking me to see the conversion therapist.
A shift in my life happened between coming out as gay and being a regular church member. These two things are inexorably intermingled, and I don’t think it should be too difficult to figure out why. I have heard (and continue to hear from people who think their words will be the ones to change me) that it is not possible for homosexuals to be faithful Christians.
Sexuality and sexual identity are not voluntary. Religion and religious identity are voluntary. Christians who happen to be cisgendered and straight and part of the majority non-affirming evangelical America believe they understand the homosexual experience well enough simply because they were told the bible condemns it. There’s nothing in Jesus’ teaching that indicates such judgment is a human responsibility, and it blinds these people to the harm they cause with their own ignorance and insistence that the world be shaped in their vision.
I recall a time when I was present for a sermon series at a local church. Each sermon was a question submitted by a congregant. The topic for this particular sermon was entirely on the question “Can someone be gay and be Christian?” There was a person to whom I had posed that exact question quite directly; color me lavender when he wanted to discuss the sermon with me. We had recently gotten to know each other and he seemed to believe I was the one who submitted this sermon topic (I was not, and I assumed he knew this) and his sincere hope was that “someone might believe they can change.”
At a certain point I posed the challenge: if you believe gay people can change and be straight, why don’t you try being gay?
“Why would I do that?” was his response. The discussion ceased after this.
It follows that if you believe gay people can choose to be straight, it is also possible for straight people to choose to be gay. But non-affirming Christians don’t want to choose to be gay just to demonstrate this! Didn’t Jesus say a good shepherd leaves the 99 sheep to save the lost one? These people do not care about the homosexual, they only care about their dogma and moral superiority.
The evangelical world has become untenable for me to choose to be part of it. I do not claim to be a believer because of the hatred I would receive for also being a gay person. Despite this, I continue to find rest in the finished work of Jesus Christ. For whatever reason, I still love the story of the gospel: that God invaded this world through a baby who lived and died and rose again, and that by this example there is a promise of a resurrected life in the end.
I feel freedom without the name, title, or position of Christian and while some might decry my thoughts as picking-and-choosing, it is my view that everyone picks and chooses and that there is a special type of terrible person who chooses to bully and terrorize LGBT people.
If you are not such a Christian (especially if you are a friend of mine) know that I see you and love you and that this article is only meant to provide my perspective. I have a lot of affection for the Christians in my life who choose love instead of hate. Keep the faith, my friends.
